Random lists of offenses that I need to get out, BB

names are changed, any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental.

A letter, another letter I wrote. I may write a lot until I am purged of it all. ………………..                      E, You disrespected me and tore me to shreds. Adultery is not just a physical sex, it is emotional sharing of your self with another – this should have been in our marriage ONLY. Everytime you have sex with someone you are making a soul connection with her and this dishonors God, you are spitting on God and His sanctity of marriage. You have slept with so many, even just since you and I started dating. I have not even looked at or thought of another man since the day I first laid eyes on you. I was committed to you and only you  alone. You chose – prefer to talk to Donna, Ash, Linda, Wanda, E, D, Jean, Michele, Michelle – over me and when I asked how you were, what’s up, how are your kids and grandkids, tell me what’s going on in your life… you refused to talk to me and said “I don’t feel like repeating myself.” You cut me off so early in our marriage. You let them all say what ever they wanted to say about me, and even to me and never once did you come to my defense, you even let your grandchildren and sister talk to me in a disrespectful way and never said anything. You never once, not one time defended me. Even when your precious MsM called me a “fucking asshole” your response was an impassioned “oh well.” You didn’t even get upset, not appalled, no sign that you were upset anyone would call your wife such a horrible name. You defended her, though! “She need me, she has no one to talk to.” “Michele is the victim in all this, she lost her best friend the day we got married.” “She needs me.” “You shouldn’t talk badly about her.” “She is lost without me.” “I have to help her, no one else will, she won’t listen to anyone else.”  How about how she treats your wife?!!?!?!?!?!? You were so angry at me for not allowing you and her to be “best friends and get together for coffee and talks as best friends.” My mother was rushed to the ER with system shutdown that day, you would not allow me to talk to you about my mom, and wouldn’t even hug or support me, and yelled “No, go away, leave me alone! I don’t want to see you!” Each word emphasized. You fiercely defended your rights to be friends with and spend time with any woman you wanted, that you were not doing anything wrong and that I had a problem and should get over it, that I was insecure. You never ever got to know me, or you would know that before you I was not insecure! I was happy, joyful about life, secure with myself. You kept saying “I know you better than you know yourself” and described this person who was not only not me, but not even close to being me. I think it was an amalgamation of your mom, who you still are angry with for rejecting you, and your ex wife, who you abused and she left. You did not try to get to know me, not once did you look at photo albums, ask about my past, ask about my favorite color, flower, food, you didn’t ask about my hopes and dreams, my fears, my aspirations. It was all about YOU, how can I serve you. Did you ever care even one time about who I was? Or was it all about having a money source until you were ready to go back to Michele to live with when her kids were old enough; and have her as your playmate in the meantime. Does she know you are also fooling around with Linda and Wanda and Edie?

I asked you once to tell me three things that cause you to be uncomfortable with me:  You said: “Just be yourself not a cheap imitation, don’t embellish, just stick to the facts, stop being so insecure it drives me nuts, stop turning things on me, I don’t like switchery, stop nit picking, stop saying “you always”, stop being so needy, stop thinking about sex all the time, be more serious, you are too demanding and hard to live with, you could lose weight, you are too loud, I prefer elegant ladies,….. perhaps I don’t like the real you!” “Perhaps I don’t like the real you.” later turned to “I don’t like who you are” and “I can’t stand being around you.”

You banned me from talking, for the last few years, oh heck, since the wedding band went on I would talk and you would say “I’m not listening, I am…” fill in the excuse, they were all lame and hurtful. Then  when I talked you would say “this is what you are doing (making your hand do the talking motion) this is what I want you to do (make your hand do the closed mouth motion.)” Your favorite line was “there is a time and place for …(fill in the blank)…. and this is NOT it.” From the moment we awoke until you turned your back to me to sleep, I was denied kisses, “I love you”, talking, questions, talking about my day, just about anything….  You were not “in love with me” and were not shy about letting me know. You loved me, but not as much as your children or family. You let me know that too. You cut me off from my own family, putting them down and saying I should “leave them alone, stop bugging them, they will hate you if you keep interfering with their lives,” you also cut my birth family to shreds. I never spoke ill about your kids, grand kids, and family. You were nasty about mine, you had nasty things to say about all of them, from my father and mother down to the youngest infant. You are just a nasty man. I have never met anyone so insecure with himself that he has to demean and abuse the sweetest giving person he could find, making me feel like I was unworthy of anyone, unworthy of love, unworthy to live…just so you could feel better about being a nasty controlling unhappy insecure man. I seriously think you have a manic bipolar schizophrenic personality disorder, you told me you are bilpolar and refuse to take your meds. You need those meds. You tell me how sweet you are, and liked … but so was Jeffry Dahlmer.

I am the best thing that will ever happen to you, your friends say that too, and have sought me out to apologize about what you did, they have seen you do similar to women before, a total lack of respect for women, thinking they are to serve you and do not have any value as humans. You tell them I am the worst thing to ever happen to you. You will eat those words!

There are curses on your family, you have spoken them yourself, they are not from me. You cursed your own children and grandchildren. You have poisoned your whole family, an laid upon them a multi generational curse. God can lift it, but you are playing games with God too. You think you can live anyway you want, apologize to God, and repeat over and over again and still go to Heaven based on grace. You better be darn sure about the extent of grace when you purposely push God away. Hell is for eternity, eternity to remember finding your son ODd, seeing your other son in a coffin after he ODd, remembering all the wort times of your life over and over and over and over. Remembering your family and never seeing them, only seeing the worst memories of them and any horrible lie satan throws at you are you burn. You spoke curses over our relationship the day you lied to me that we were really married, when you said you had no concern whether or not I went to heaven, the day you curse my family down to my youngest grandchild, and your decision to continue your relationships with all your old girlfriends whom you had had sex with. Your life is a mess! You made it what it is! God will forgive you, but ONLY if you are sincere and make a life changing decision to follow God’s Word, live as God calls you to live.

 

names are fictional, any resemblance to reality is purely coincidental.

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