Dear God, update -BB

Dear God sometimes I am afraid to open my eyes and see what’s going on in my home. I do not want to know. It scares me. But I want to trust you with my life, my family, and my marriage. I want to believe that you see what’s going on and you want it to stop. I want to know your wisdom and your ways so that I am not destroyed by the pain I am in. Help me, God, take one step at a time.

Surgery today, my husband was there for me until the end of the day when he got tired and got very irritated at my clinginess, I am so doped up with anesthesia and dilaudid and lortab that I just can’t be clear headed. He told me MsM texted and was concerned, i was able to tell him to thank her, that was nice, he said that was the right reaction. I did check texts, he did not erase hers, it was without any lewd suggestions, I am relieved, unless he erased more erotic ones. I need to learn trust.

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