I have sunk to my depth, Dear Lord PLEASE change me!!!!!! -BB

I can’t go on like this, my husband is barely talking to me and escaping to a friends house or his sisters whenever he can. I spent 7 wonderful days smiling, being a Godly wife, and by day 7 he was stroking my hair and cuddling in bed (which is as close to sex as we get for now). Then I attacked him and accused him again. That was yesterday, today was the same. He shut down after a couple comments, then said he can’t take much more of this and wants to escape and go to Florida to his sister’s house. I need to shut up! He can’t take the nagging I am doing, I can’t take the nagging I am doing, God is just standing there with folded arms waiting for me to stop controlling and let Him take over. Satan is having a blast thinking he will ruin this marriage. That is not going to happen. I have prayer teams helping until I am strong enough. I met with the surgeon today, she wants to run more tests until she is positive I am healthy enough for surgery and she can rule out pancreas and see improvement in my stomach and small intestine ulcers.

Hours later…..

How funny, a blessing, my Minister friend invited me to stay with her for a few days. my husband is excited, I told him I will give him a few days to himself. I hope this is a reset. My friend wants to help me sort through my childhood and first marriage and current life.

Next day….

Last night my side was in pain, no relief. My husband held his hand over the area and prayed for me and it felt like a heating pad. I think I will call for pain medicine today, for nights like last night when the pain refuses to let up. Satan will NOT win!!!!!!

Today I called a few MDs for pain medication, my PA can’t prescribe, the surgeon will prescribe post surgery, I am waiting for a call from a MD in my MD office. The surgeon called, one more test to see how my ulcers are doing and I get my surgery in 15 days. My husband said “oh Thank God, this is driving me nuts with your losing weight and in pain, it reminds me too much of my son, and he died of stomach problems.” I am so glad he shared. I feel so for him. I love him and just have to give him space and peace while he grieves his son after 15 months, and now grieving his other son who is in rehab after trying to commit suicide. God is funny how he works. I am growing, even though it doesn’t show right now.

I told my husband how these classes – Peaceful Wife and Respect Dare – are 100% guaranteed to work, please give it time, he asked if it really will work, cause he just can’t stand me. I assured him it will, how can God be the wrong way to go? He agreed. Most wives are clueless and happy to stay focused on self and expect the husband to change. Plus once I am better things HAVE to be better. No agitation from constant pain and nausea and diarrhea. Wow, it has been 7 straight months of misery. Not just my belly, but also I have heel spur and plantar fasciitis, a tooth that cracked down to it’s root all for 7-12 months now. I had no insurance and could not afford the monthly payment nor the deductible. Oh yes, Satan has had his hayday. Satan will NOT win! God is my Savior, my redeemer, my physician, my all. I am covered with the precious blood of Jesus, the Lamb of God.

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