Spiritual Checkup -BB w/Peaceful Wife help

I invite you to search my home page for things like:

– insecurity
– husband idol
– security
– lordship
– fear
– control
– needy
– emotions
– healthy vs unhealthy relationships
– laying down husband to God

 

God can heal you and I would be honored to walk beside you on this amazing journey. So here are a few questions. Take all the time you need:

1. How do you believe you can be right with God?

  • By fully putting my trust in God and understand how He loves me, by being in peace at all times in Christ. By being alright and at peace with God even if I am rejected by everyone, even if I am hated by everyone, even if I am misunderstood by everyone. By preaching His word and being able to stand behind His Word and not wavering. By ridding my heart and soul of all sin, and right now it is full of sin as I am committing idolatry of thinking of my feelings a lot so I am putting my self as an idol, to quote Joyce “what about me.” Idolatry of husband as I worry and think of how to please him so I am not rejected by him. (That in itself is exhausting, remembering everything that he dislikes or likes and making it so. That is not something he calls for me to do.) I committ the sin of fear and jealousy and insecurity and distrust daily to a paaralyzing point. I occasionally still tell lies out of fear, little ones, but they are just as much poop in a cake as big lies. I committ the sin of not being gracious to everyone and those I distrust and hold anger towards them. I am analytical and overthink everything, even answering these questions I have to struggle not to put the “right answer” and open my heart. It takes real effort to shut the mind down and concentrate on God, then like an ADHD brain I start to get it and **poof** it’s gone….oh look, a butterfly….and then I try to capture they gyst of understanding God’s love and grave and mercy and how to be a Christian wife and how to put God first and lay aside sin so the Holy Spirit will come in and I can make real progress.

2. What are your greatest fears?

  • I fear I am ruining my marriage, the respect is so low, trust is low, he does not desire me at all.
  • rejection, especially my husband prefering another person over me to confide in, look at, and the obvious. Rejection of my kids prefering their dad and his girlfriend over me. Rejection from my stepkids and step grandkids. Mostly my husband rejecting me in ANY way, especially sexually and as a trusted partner, and wanting to spend time with another female.
  • not being loved, I still have love and sex and spending every minute together all mixed up, this one is a gut clencher
  • being labeled a liar, I really fear that, and yet I can’t help telling little white lies.
  • not being understood. I am very afraid of this, I usually say things and they get twisted and not understood. Best intentions forward and worst result.
  • Going to Hell – I am terrified of this, really really terrified

3. What are your most precious dreams?

  • Not sure I have any dreams left. They have all been dashed, all my dreams from the time I was a baby. I gave up dreaming to avoid disappointment.
  • I want a trusting happy joyful marriage
  • I want my husband and my kids and his kids to get along really well and his grandkids to accept me as their grandma.
  • I want my husband’s broken heart mended.
  • I want him to desire me and to share secrets with me.
  • I want to be a writer and speaker and educator to women and girls
  • I dream of knowing peace and joy and a steady emotional base, that place where nothing can hurt me and disturb my peace.
  • My most precious is to be in Heaven flying around God Triune and singing to them for eternity.

4. Do you believe you may be holding anything back from God?

  • Yes, it is like if God knows this or that about me He will reject me, SO STUPID! God knows ALL.
  • I am holding back FULLY trusting and leaning on Him, I keep holding on and trying to run things. I so want to stop that. Fear is powerful. Can He who is unseen really be there and stop the assualts that keep being thrown at our marriage and our lives? How how how do I get to that point

5. Do you ever have a nagging feeling that God is really not looking out for your best interests, or that He might do something to hurt you, or that He is not really good?

  • God is ALWAYS good and He doesn’t want to hurt me, but look what happened to Job? Sometime I feel He is testing me, but right now I just want to be the sheep on His shoulders. There is more than I care to handle right now. I am getting bungled and stuck. Paralyzed in the quicksand that has engulfed me. I do not understand His ways. I need to get unstuck so I can beyond this testing period.

6. What do you look to for security in life?

  • My husband to protect me in all ways. In the ways I have predetermined, HA! This is unrealistic and crushed to pieces, he is hardly handling this second year of his son’s death and his other son in jail then rehab…again.
  • I am now looking to being at peace undescribable no matter who or what is against me. I will be secure when I learn to trust God no matter what. I so want to get there. I read scripture, I reread it. I pray, I petition. What am I missing?
  • Money and stuff have never meant much to me, happiness is from feelings to me and being wanted.

I invite you to search my home page for things like:

– insecurity
– husband idol
– security
– lordship
– fear
– control
– needy
– emotions
– healthy vs unhealthy relationships
– laying down husband to God

Dear God It’s Me:3M,

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer these questions. The more deeply and honestly you are able to dig here, the better – because it is only when we can really get a good look at our deepest motives, fixed beliefs, and thinking that we can begin to allow God to help us tear out anything that is toxic and rebuild on His truth and His Word. 🙂

Okay, when you are ready, let’s dig a bit deeper, my precious sister:

1. Who does the work that makes you right with God? You or Jesus? And who has the power to keep you right with God, you or Jesus?

  1.  I know the right answer is Jesus. Jesus died and His blood covers all my sin and keeps me right with God. I feel so responsible to do all the work. I do as much as I can for everyone, a Martha rather than a Mary.  I have to earn love, earn respect, earn ….I am so tired. My lovely Catholic confusing upbringing. My parents made me earn any kind of love. I was not worthy. Why would God love me? I keep screwing up and fill my heart with sin, fear, jealousy. The Bible says you can’t be filled with God and also sin. Shouldn’t I fell something other than alone, feel God? I did when I was first saved. I don’t feel anyone working in my life right now, other than me, and I am not doing a good job at all. Today my husband said he wants to run away from everyone, including me. He is sick and tired of it. Is it really supposed to get worse? Is God really REALLY working to make this good?

2. Are you to the point where you are ready to and want to give up the lying, idolatry, and unbiblical, toxic thinking you may have about God, yourself, your husband, marriage, etc…?

  1. YES!!!!! OH DEAREST GOD YES!!!!!!! I want peace and calm, I want to trust God to handle it all, and to keep Satan and all evil far away from me, my husband, my marriage, our kids and grandkids. I want to be trustworthy and not be ashamed of my self. I want a clean brain and conscience. I want to trust my husband and not be jealous of the women who text him, who he has been friends with for years. I want him to trust me and desire me, to share with me, not be distant. I want God in my life!!!!!!!! #1 before all else is God. YES!!!!!!!!

3. What are you doing with all of this fear? Is the fear what motivates you in your relationship with your husband, children, and step children? Are you ready to throw the fear out the window and learn to entrust all of these things to God even if it feels scarier at first?

  1. I keep handing it over to God, all my fear, then rethink of what I should do, taking back my fear. It really does drive much of or all of what I do with relationships, Thank you! I never realized how much the fear of rejection, loss, being chosen over others, not being chosen motivates me in my relationships. I do not want to lose anyone else or be thought of as less. I am so much more than ready to throw fear out of the window, I would love to learn how to and to entrust it all to God. I do not think it can feel scarier than where I am at right now. But I have to learn to trust God, and if that means better will be scary at first, than OK. I really want to have God as my all, have His peace, feel His love, be His bride/daughter/beloved.

4. Do you know what you are doing that is contributing to your husband feeling disrespected and untrusting toward you?

  1. Shamefully yes. I behave like my mother, I never wanted to. She is a spoiled brat who is used to having things her way at all cost. My father still beat her and belittled her and  made her cry all the time, she in return let him know he did not act the way she had anticipated, therefore he was wrong. Dad mellowed over time and she is a horrible monster tearing us all apart. We are wrong no matter what.
  2. I was married 30 years to a sweet man who was a total narcissist. He comes before everyone, no exceptions, not me, not our kids. He also loved his porn and other women, blamed me for each affair. Brought me to XXX to learn and wanted me to take stripper lessons for extra money. He even sold me for a sum when we were strapped for cash to a his brother, resulting in my daughter. I admit I was no angel, I flew off in rage a lot, I was depressed and I was very exacting and blaming and a shrew. I was awful, but reckoned it was OK and acceptable.. I didn’t know where to direct my anger. I wanted out, but when I tried once before my parents hired lawyers to give my kids to my ex-husband. I love my kids, I can’t live without them, I stayed.  After 30 years I told him enough! One more time and we were through. He took is seriously and we had about 3 months of quiet, he still rejected me sexually. We bought his dream country home in February and I went to work making it a home I could like. The kids were grown and gone at this point. I knew something was very very wrong soon after and in May got on my knees and begged God to heal this marriage or take me to heaven or anything other than the pain I was feeling. The next week he told me he was in love with another women “but you will be OK with that, right?” I called her a whore, he spat in my face and I knew we were done. He moved out.
  3. I went to a friend of mine who invited me to church, I was finally ready to try God and Christianity. I had been Catholic, read about scientology, wicca, eastern religions, and followed the advice in some movie The Secret. It was all so wrong for me. I was blessed the fall prior to have read The Shack, that was where God planted His seed. So I went to church the following week with my friend, she couldn’t wait to introduce me to this guy. I was not happy about it. BUT as soon as I met him I felt he was it! We dated over the course of a full year, we had sex at first, then I felt it was wrong and we stopped. I went through emotional roller coaster but was a baby Christian and was generally riding a high with God and this great guy. He was there to save me from poverty and hunger and cold. He cared about me and for me. I felt safe.
  4. One year later he went on vacation to his family, he returned after 3 weeks and called me several days later, I was very hurt. I had also been told he may have been seeing another woman. He had not yet said he loved me and he called me his friend, but he was so caring towards me. The night he came over I said “I love you” he was so silent. The next day I stopped talking to him. I was devastated, I didn’t know what to do. A week later he called and wished me and my new guy good luck. There was not any other man!!!! I told him I love him, there were no other men, I was so hurt he couldn’t love me. He flew over to my house and he told me he loved me, but was so scared at being hurt again. Then he went home, as my kids were coming over for dinner. A week later he asked me to marry him. Due to financial reasons we were married before God by a minister in a ceremony, but not before the state. It was like our great-grandparents had done it, before God. I was just so happy to have him I went along with it. He is Christian and took ministry courses, he knew, he would be our leader, I would be a good Christian wife and all would be perfect.
  5. We were married before our kids and grandkids by an ordained Minister. That night I got all dolled up in a nighty I got, and he said he was too tired. I cried, I was so upset. I begged. “NO! Let me sleep.” The next morning his buddy showed up and we rode motorcycles all day, and he was too tired again. I was so upset, not this again!!!!!! No sex in a year, why is he rejecting me? He had promised great sex. We finally had sex, he was having issues, and after a week told me he had “lost his desire.” It was not good, and I was crying all the time. I smiled all day, was as obedient as I could be, went to work, gave all my money over and let him handle finances, rubbed his back at night until he fell asleep. We were adjusting to this new marriage, and not doing well. He is exacting and I was going crazy trying to do it all his was down to minute detail. The sex became patterned, I initiated, he rejected me, the next day we would. this would be maybe weekly and getting less. By mid summer I found the card, photos, and momentos of his ex girlfriends. I felt as if I was having a heart attack, it hurt so badly. He assured me that it was just memories. It meant nothing. My ex had hooked up with all his exes, no I overreacted. I was starting with the bursting out over little stuff. I was crying a lot. I was also starting to tell him to buy me flowers and cards like he did when we were dating. He started saying he had dated crazy women, asking me if I was one. I felt he was visiting his female friends too much, he reassured me they meant nothing, just friends for years. On our first anniversary he got me a card a month early, I was angry he got the date wrong. For our first anniversary I got nothing. Just the Valentines Day before he was so excited to get me 3 cards and flowers. Oh boy! He had stopped saying he was so glad he married me. We were still a great couple as far as I was submissive and obedient, but I was giving him those looks, rolling my eyes, waving my hands, crying, having outbursts. I was not very attractive, I haven’t been since I first broke up with him with the silent treatment and the first cry after we were married. I started reading your blog over a year ago, things were starting to improve, then his son died and we have had this year of strain. I found his old girlfriend is still texting him, she also knows when he is having coffee with the guys and goes there. She calls him and stops over. He swear it is nothing, she is psycho, I have been told that by his sister also, she says he is very in love with me. Actually a lot of his old girl friends text him and call him. He says ‘do you think I am sleeping with any of them? I dumped them for being psycho. I chose to marry you.” A year after his son’s death my husband began having a really hard time, I am supportive and I am destructive. I checked his phone and found she is still texting him, trying to get him to lie about where he is to visit her for coffee. She had even asked me to let them have coffee. I also visited his FB and email and found while we were dating (he was still not sure I was the one yet) he had been dating online and when we were broke up he had sex. I held all this in, what I had done was so in violation of trust. I confronted him about being my suspicions of his cheating while we dated, said I was told about it. I almost hounded him for a month. He was so hurt and angry, saying he did not cheat on me. Then he really has been shutting down, asking for time for him to figure out how to handle his son’s death and another son now also on drugs and in the legal system. I was so good, the every so often would go crazy. He told me he no longer erases his texts so I can read them. He is not happy about me snooping, though. He no longer trusts me. He won’t tell me anything in confidence. He loves me and wants our marriage to work, but wants to run away from me.. I am shutting down, yet on my birthday I got angry because he made me pick out my own flowers and chose my birthday card from a box of cards we have in the house. He did not get a gift, our dinner out will be his gift. I gave him suggestions for gifts for Christmas, he let me know he hates the was I keep nit picking at him, pressuring him, I am so stringent. Where is my smile? It is almost like I am autistic, one line of thinking (my Aunt and others in my family have Aspergers, so please do not get upset at the reference.) I am disgusted with myself, I am also paralyzed with fear he is unfaithful, then I realize I am so wrong, my kids even tell me they have friends of the opposite sex and I am making way too much out of it. I tell myself it is God who will deal with him, I need to deal with me! Yes, I have been a horrible belittling stringent difficult emotional spoiled brat terrible wife and I am so sick of it. I told my husband I am going to change and I am working at it. He used to say ‘just be yourself’ now he says ‘maybe I wouldn’t like the real you.” I told him he wouldn’t, please let me change in to a Godly wife. I am terrified out of my brain, but I don’t know what else to do, change or lose this great husband I love dearly, even though I act the opposite.

5. You “can’t help telling little white lies”? Do you tell them out of fear of rejection? Do you truly believe you have no ability to stop yourself?

  1. I do lie out of fear of being found to have done something wrong, like his a garbage can with my car. I want to avoid anger, my dad was very mean, but I usually got beaten even if it wan’t me who did it. Lying became a defense mechanism. Yes, I lie to protect myself from rejection and anger which cripples me in fear. I have no choice but to stop lying and face reality head on. My husband always tells me he respects people who tell the truth no matter what. He even points out when he tells a lie and says “see, we all lie.” I am not sure if he is trying to make me feel good and encourage truth or if he is letting me know he lies, which makes me feel I can’t trust him now.

6. Even if you are living in the center of God’s presence and peace, things will still hurt you. God, Himself, is perfect and holy but our sin hurts Him. Are you willing to accept that loving other people can involve being hurt – but that if you have God, He can give you the strength, wisdom, and power to deal with it in a godly way? Are you willing to accept that the goal of not feeling any pain or hurt is not a reasonable goal in this life in relationships with imperfect people?

  1. Will I be less hurting than I am now? Will I experience peace? My husband says”once you find that peace with God, you will hold onto it and never let it go.” He holds that peace even now as he struggles with his son’s death and another son’s drug addiction. I will have to accept it as Job did, with the grace of God through His strength, wisdom, and power to deal with it all in a Godly peaceful way, in calm. In maturity. Let it wash off my back like a duck with water. Remain in God and understand it will hurt but cannot hurt me. The Bible tells story after story of people, like the great Paul, who suffered greatly for God. That pain and other pain cannot be as bad as this mental emotional pain. If my husband is indeed cheating on me, I am ready to forgive, I just want him to be truthful. Secrets are hurting our marriage. If he is not, then I need God to help me change. Either way I need to change. I need to have God work on me. My husband says of some things “I cannot sleep as it is, I do not want to sin and add more things to have me lose sleep.”

7. How much time are you spending with God? What do you pray for? What do you desire most in your walk with Christ?

  1. I spend a little time with God daily, I am taking Old and New Testament Survey, I watch Joyce Meyer and Pastor Prince and 700 Club daily, I read scripture sent to me daily, I read the Bible, I am also setting a few moments each time I stress out just praising God. In my car I listen to Christian talk radio. At meals and bedtime I say prayers of thanks and protection. At night after dark sets in I have to fight the fear, I now keep my phone bedside to read scripture when it begins, but I also check FB, so I need to discipline myself more. I pray in the shower, if I am not having a pitty party and crying. I feel alone, poor God must be frustrated by my horrible wishy washy behaviour, He will spit me out of His mouth for I am luke warm. I want to be hot. On fire for God. All the time. Consistent.
  2. I pray for a healed marriage that is in the image of God’s idea for marriage. I pray that I grow up and be a woman of God. I pray this fear leaves me. I pray for my husband’s heart, for healing for his heart. I pray my husband and I will get close and we have a great marriage. I pray for my children and step children and grandchildren. I pray for clarification as to my path God wants me on. I pray for my own healing, I have been ill for months. I pray for understanding as I take Ministry courses. I pray for my parents and family and healing in my family. I pray for wisdom, guidance, understanding, and calm consistency. I pray for strength.
  3. In my walk with God I most desire wisdom and clarity and understanding and maturity and strength like Paul to carry out God’s desires in my life. I desire a clear picture of what God wants me to do, my ministry.
  4. I desire a whole healed marriage and we are a team performing God’s will. I pray to be there fully for my husband at this terrible time, I want him to trust me to tell me anything of what is going on, he stopped sharing anything with me. His feelings of his dead son, what is going on with his other son, who is on the lamb and missing and on heroin.

8. What specifically are you holding back from God?

  1. I am holding back fully trusting God will handle my life and my husband’s life and I am to rest on God. I am not trusting fully. Perhaps I am not fully believing. I do believe in God, but it is evident that I do not fully totally believe, or I would rely fully on God to handle everything in my life. I am holding back control from God, not handing Him full control of my life. I so desire to have full trust and belief and give over all, all control. Let go of the doubt that the unseen is more powerful than I am or anyone else is.

9. Is your primary goal to get out of the testing period or to learn what God desires you to learn and to grow in spiritual maturity and be closer to Him?

  1. My primary goal is to learn what God desires me to know, to become a mature Christian woman, grow closer to God. I want to be calm and consistent in the face of everything. As much as I really am not comfortable in this time of testing, if I do not learn God’s message for me then I will not get out of being tested until I go through the fire and learn. I want to learn, I do not like being in the fire. I am not blessed with innate wisdom, and I was cursed with a very analytical questioning mind, so when I learn to trust and rest on God and stop nit picking and dissecting everything to infinatum then I will progress forward.
  2. I will accept what is God’s will, and pray for strength to endure and not waiver so God can work through me and make and mold me into His Beloved in every way. I pray for strength to grow in maturity and consistency, to stop putting my fears before I put God in my mind, heart, and life. I want to be what God wants me to be!!!!!! I want to be strong to spread His word and help others to find God and to minister to those in need.
  3. I want forgiveness and more, I want a special bond with God, I want to feel His presence, be filled with peace and joy inexpressible. I want to glow with Christ. I want to experience His outpouring of love and feel it rather than wishing and wondering what it is. I want an intimate relationship with God, Jesus, Holy Spirit. I want to walk with Him, talk with Him, hear Him, be His beloved. I want to hear His voice clearly, and reply “Yes Lord, as You wish!”

10. Where do you go for your source of absolute truth? Would you say that you trust God’s Word above all, or would you say you depend on your feelings?

  1. Oh boy. This is a biggie. The Bible is the source of all truth, absolute truth. I need to study, learn to study it to glean God’s Word from it and apply it to my life. I would be lying if I said I do not depend on my feelings, that is what got me to this neurotic state I am in now. I spend the day vacillating between trusting God and thinking of other things I should do to prove my husband is true to his word. Awful sinful terrible. I want to go only to God’s Word, it is consistent, unwavering, all inclusive, absolute wisdom, the only right way to think, the only real answers to all of life’s concerns.

11. Where is your worth as a woman?

  1. My worth has always been tied up in how well I serve others, my husband, kids, bosses, coworkers, …. My value comes in what others think of me. I don’t think much of myself, I don’t even look in mirrors. Sound funny, because I am obviously very  much tied up in myself “what about me?” “Don’t forget me.” Hey, what about my feelings.” In nursing school I was second from the top and never thought about it or bragged. At work I am well liked, and don’t think too much of it. Yet, I guess I still want attention, all my answers above reflect that. I am a whiny self-centered doormat.

If you are ready to give up your sin and you truly want to learn to fully trust God – I can show you the next steps.

  1. Yes, Yes I am April.

Here is another assignment when you are ready. Please read this post Identifying the Lies We Have Embraced – and let me know which ones you believe you are dealing with.

  1. Identifying the Lies We Have Embraced

    Here are some lies I have come up with that some of us may believe – I’m sure they don’t all apply to everyone, but they may give you some ideas to prayerfully consider as you invite the Holy Spirit to examine the hidden motives of your heart in your quiet time. This is not an exhaustive list! If you recognize that some of these lies are things you struggle with, I invite you to search on a site like http://www.openbible.com or http://www.biblegateway.com for terms to find verses in Scripture that reveals God’s truth about these topics. Be willing to REALLY dig into whatever lies are issues for you and spend as much time as you need to hash through what is true and what is not true. Some of these things are not conscious beliefs, but rather unconscious fixed beliefs upon which we have built our lives. Allow God to transform your thinking though the power of His Word! Compare everything any human author said against the Bible. Be willing to trash ungodly thinking and rebuild your life on God’s Word.

    Lies about Perfectionism/People Pleasing: I TAILORED THE LIST TO APPLY TO ME

    1. I should be strong enough to work at and become perfect in God’s eyes, I should do the work, earn His love. Even though I am a wretched sinner. I am not a good person.
    2. Other people’s approval is very important to me. I judge myself through their eyes. If I see disapproval in their eyes or body language I adjust my ways. I want people happy with me, anger scares me. I want God pleased with me. BUT I feel I have to do the work, earn His approval.
    3. If I can do things perfectly in my eyes, I can control everything and I will be safe and can be guaranteed the outcomes I desire.
    4. I am responsible for things that really aren’t my responsibility. Gotta make life better for others, they will see what I am doing and like me.
    5. If I am not worried, afraid, and trying so hard that I am exhausted, I don’t really love other people. I am constantly trying to analyze every relationship, how to make it better, what have I done to screw things up. I tense up even with the tiniest wrong thing.
    6. I can’t relax and enjoy intimacy with God or with others. I have to constantly earn love. Who wants me, look at all the better choices.
    7. My value is in what I do – not in who I am or in what Christ did for me.
    8. If I don’t ever make mistakes, other people will love me and never be upset with me. This is a reasonable plan. Keep analyzing how I do, keep adjusting until I see right results, intimacy with husband, love from kids.
    9. Perfection, in my definition(i.e.: how clean my house is, how closely we follow the rules of relationships, or how much I follow a list of man made rules), is more important than people and relationships.
    10. I am the key here, not God. I cannot deny this, God IS the KEY, but it seems I live as if I am responsible completely for all relationships, including my intimacy with God. MAN! I am exhausted and confused.

    Resources:

    You may also search my home page search bar for things like:

    Lies about God:

    1. He is very good, but also like a father will severely punish sin and reject sinners and cast luke warm children away, preferring obedient children.
    3. I have to earn His love.
    4. God is holding out on me until I prove myself to Him
    8. God is letting Satan tempt me, like He did with Job.
    10. God won’t help me, He is testing me and will help after I pass the tests.
    19. God is not just, He judges unequally and can do what He wants to us. He is God.

    Resources:

    On my site:

    Lies about Self:
    2. I am worthless/ugly/unloveable.
    3. Even if I am in Christ, I am still a wretched sinner, I cannot receive my new identity and new self in Christ…. until I stop sinning.
    3. I am not a “real person” or a “real woman.” I admit there are times I wondered…
    4. God’s promises and His Word apply to other people, but not to me until I earn it.
    5.  I can’t ask for help I don’t want to bother others or be a burden. I will hep others gladly
    6.  I am responsible for others’ decisions, choices, and the consequences they experience.
    9. I can’t forgive myself.
    10. I am having trouble learning to hear God.
    11. I must earn people’s love.
    20. I can’t be beautiful in God’s eyes.
    22. Other people are important but I am not important at all.
    23. I can be close to God and strong spiritually without allowing God full access to the darkest places of my heart.

    Resources:

    On my site:

    Lies about Others:

    1. they are more important than I am.
    4.  I am to serve people.
    5. I have to avoid conflict at all costs. YES
    10. Others do control me. And I am afraid to use my voice. I tend to be wrong.
    12. Others’ feelings don’t matter or my feelings don’t matter.
    13. I have to disrespect myself to respect others or I have to disrespect others to respect myself.

    All of these issues require proper balance and biblical understanding. If we swing too far one way or the other, we are living in sinful, destructive mindsets rather than in the truth.

    Resources:

     

    Much love to you! I am praying for you.

    April

 

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Just a few more…
1. Who makes you right with God? Is it what Jesus did for you? Or is it your work and your goodness?

  • -Jesus makes me right with God, Jesus died on the cross for me, His sacrifice of pouring out his precious blood covered all my stench and sin from God so God sees me as pure as His Son Jesus.
  • -I have to stop my way of thinking that I am responsible for everything or I am no good. Earthly self centered strength is not good, it is stupid and arrogant to think I have any power like that, to control God and others.
  • -I cannot control God. I cannot control my husbands thoughts or actions. I cannot control which parent my kids prefer. I cannot control how my stepchildren and their kids act and feel toward me. I cannot control women friends of my husband from texting or calling him.
  • -I can control how I deal with and think about these situations. I can control my jealousy, but only with God’s help. I can control my actions and thoughts with God’s help. I can control my mouth and my words with God’s help. I can change with God’s help. I can pray and read God’s Word and learn His desires for my actions, behaviors, thoughts and how I live my life. I can control destructive thought with God’s help. I can stop feeling so helpless with God’s help.
  • -I have to stop and praise God for all first, then lean on God for all in my life. Allow His love to cover me.

2. Are you ready to get rid of the sin and allow God to radically change your heart?

OH YES YES YES even more now than 2 weeks ago. God has opened my eyes this week to the depth of my sin, I just really can’t stand myself, and neither can my husband. He now talks of leaving. He can’t stand my nagging and  nit-picking. I have sunk to an all time low of accusing him and spying on him. I am sure God can’t stand me either right now, I have taken control (hahaha, tried to) and I am just miserable. Please Dear God, change me!!!!!! I am so afraid of losing it all, me, my husband, my faith. Please God, save me!!!!!

3. Is people pleasing a big issue for you, would you say? Do you think sometimes you may seek people’s approval and acceptance over God’s?

Sadly this is true. It is dumb since I will spend eternity with God, not with these other people. Also if I please them and feel like poop, I lost out. Dear God, change me!

4. Are you willing to lay these dreams on the altar before God and leave them there? Allowing Him to determine what will happen and what is best? Do you believe you can entrust Him with your greatest dreams?

Yes, Yes, and Yes. HOW?

5. So you are ready to fully trust God now? I believe first you will have to be willing to look at those lies you believe and trash them, replacing them with the truth of God’s Word. Are you ready to do that?

Oh you have no idea, yes

I’m excited about what God is about to do in your heart if you are willing to take the baby steps in His direction! 🙂

Please search my home page for:

  • Lordship of Christ
  • I can’t go on like this
  • Husband Idol
  • People pleasing
  • insecurity
  • security
  • laying down husband
  • Please God! Ask me for anything but this
  • happiness idol
  • responsible for my emotions
  • responsible for myself spiritually
  • identifying the lies we have embraced

Much love!
April

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