The Love Dare, Day 3: Love Is Not Selfish. -BB

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor. –Romans 12:10

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important that yourselves. – Philippians 2:3

Love asks us to deny ourselves while selfishness compels us to focus on ourselves.  Selfishness is a disease that suffocates our capacity to love.  We become higher maintenance, needier, overly sensitive, and demanding; we judge harshly and are blind to our own faults. Putting your desires, needs, and wants before that of your spouse can be dangerous. Selfishness brings about many ways of acting: moodiness, laziness, irresponsibility, boasting, bragging, easily angered, among countless other traits. We either love our spouses or love ourselves.  3 questions:

Do I truly want what is best for my husband?  Oh yes I truly do. I am working hard at putting him always before me. I agree to all his ideas, before mine. I keep quiet of my ideas unless I feel strongly. I am very sensitive and moody, even though I try hard to bottle it up. It comes out in pops, but I am getting better at self control. I do not want to be needy, I want to be graceful and loving and desirable to my husband. I am gladly willing to change for him, to be my best for him.

 Do I want my husband to feel loved by me?  Yes, I want my husband to never doubt how much I love and adore him. I want my love to glow in my husband from his head to his toes. I just need to stop comparing how he shows he loves me. I have to put aside selfishness and focus on him.

Does my husband believe I have his best interests in mind? I know he knows I obey him. I am not sure he knows I truly do have his very best interest in my ind and heart. I just do not know.

Do my husband see me as looking out for myself first or him first?  Oh boy, I am not sure, I would take a bullet for him, I would starve to death before letting him go hungry. I try very hard to look out for him first, but then I do things that are selfish and show anger and undo everything I built up.

Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It’s hard to care for something you are not investing in…… Along with refraining from any negative comments, buy your spouse something that says “I was thinking of you today.”

What did you chose to buy?  I bought it last week, for Christmas, but my husband told me not to get him a gift. I set it aside for the right time. After his son died a couple months ago, he spent a lot of time renting Little House on the Prairie shows. He found it soothing and wholesome. We watched together, and we have rented these shows many times before, so I purchase the entire series.

 What happened when I gave it to him?  Today he was very quiet and sad, it began last night and I cannot say if I was the cause or if he is in another funk, which happens a lot. I gave my husband the shipping box (it didn’t say what was in the box) and said, “I got this and kept it for when you need it.” he took the box, set it down and said “I’m fine now.” It sits unopened on the couch hours after I gave it to him. I decided to be patient and wait. I feel hurt, but isn’t that something I have to work on?

What was his response? ……..???

36 hours later, it still is unopened.

OK 48 hours and I began by telling him the gift was for when he needed simple times, for when he was sad, and it was not bought to make him happy in his time of grieving. He opened the box and since it was shipped, the inventory was in it. His first reaction was to be upset that I spent too much on him. I said he deserved more than that, it was my money to do as I pleased from allowance. He is grateful for his favorite TV series that gave him peace and brought him back to simpler. I felt better, too. I still think I should have handled it better from the start. I became a bit of a stinky butt in the time of waiting. I told him I did not get it to oblige him to buy anything for me. I enjoy getting him gifts, he deserves so much. I do get comparative and upset when I do not get, but that is bad since he cares well for me all year. I will continue to work on me.  My husband deserves a Godly wife!!!!!

Italicized, highlighted, quotes test from: The Love Dare by Kendrick
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