The Respect Dare, Day 3 – Nina Roesner poses some questions to wives to assess how they are doing in a number of areas of their lives. They are GREAT questions!!!
What is God most speaking to your heart?
God desires me to change and grow in Him, as a wife, mother, grandmother, and community member. I feel God has a ministry for me, but at this point I cannot be sure of what it is. I have to trust and lean on God to open my heart, mind, and eyes to His purpose in my life.
Is there something He would like to change in you?
Hahahahaha, um YES! God wants me to do His will, study His word, be calm, follow His will in my life, to love myself, to guard my feelings from my tongue, to be His disciple. I know God wants me to be Christ centered instead of self centered. God is asking me to rely on Him, to allow my past to be the past, to study His word, to be at peace, and to understand my Ministry as a wife, mother of grown children, grandmother, nurse, and servitude to His people. I have to let Got change all those vices in me to virtues.
What feelings are you having?
I feel frustrated and daunted. I am afraid, nervous of failing God. What if after all these Dares I am just as messed up as now? What if I backslide? I want to be the best wife, I want my husband to admire me and be proud to have me on his arm. I want my children and stepchildren to respect me.
What concerns do you have?
I admire my pastor’s wife, and she is so calm in every situation. She is lovely inside and out, I never hear her with a harsh tone or critical spirit, she smiles all the time, and is very gentle in every way. I was born a clutz, loud, emotional, and I am not very feminine as much as I try. I am afraid to speak in public, I get scared and speak too quickly. I forget names and dates, I cannot remember scripture verses. I sing like a frog and walk/dance like I have two left feet. There is so much I have to change to be where I should be, Can God change me that much? I am like a huge renovation project! I know God can do anything, but I am like a major miracle needing to be miraclized.
What would happen if God helped you to grow a lot in some of these weaker areas in the next 3 months – what would that mean for your relationship with Christ and your husband?
WOW! What a gift to God, my husband, and everyone around me or that I touch. To experience self love and to grow in wisdom and to remain in Christ, lean on and trust fully in God. To remain calm and not be bothered by words and actions of others. I would be beyond blessed to reach that peace, and my relationship with Ed would be so so so blessed and stronger.
In Christ, you can truly be set free from your sinful nature and from specific sins and live in the power of His Spirit with His supernatural love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control flooding through your soul and bursting out of your life every day. That is the life I want for you and that is the life God wants for you. Thankfully, He shows us the way to get there!
PART 1: from the list of 33 I chose 11 items which are true for me, I deleted those that were not pertinent.
- I have a lot of anger, resentment, unforgiveness and bitterness towards my parents, ex-husband and towards other people, too. I hold grudges.
- I sometimes complain when I don’t like something.
- I have regrets about how I treat people.
- I want things to be perfect, and tend to focus on things that aren’t right in others and in our home so I can fix them and make things as perfect as possible.
- When I am hormonal, I feel totally out of control and I think, say and do awful things.
- I expect my husband to make me happy and be responsible for my emotions. If I am upset, it is his job to fix it.
- My mind is always swirling with worry and fear about the future and how I am going to make things work out right.
- I only have peace for a few moments, and then my mind uncontrollably keeps playing the same “videos” over and over again of things people have done to hurt me or things that I am worried and afraid about. I feel very anxious a lot of times.
- I wish to be treated like the heroine in a romantic movie or like a Disney princess by my husband. I sometimes wish he would be as romantic as the men in romance novels and movies.
- If I don’t make things work out right, everything will be a disaster.
- I am very concerned about what my parents and my husband’s parents, our siblings and friends think. I try to make everyone around me happy. It is exhausting! I hate for other people to be upset with me.
PART 2: from the list of 39 I chose 27 items which are true for me, I deleted those that were not pertinent.
- It is really important to me to spend significant amounts of time in prayer and in God’s Word every day. I can’t make it without that time!
- I rarely lose my temper with my husband.
- I do my best to set an atmosphere of peace in our home. Most of the time our home is emotionally and spiritually an oasis and sanctuary for my husband and family.
- I appreciate my husband and am thankful for him on a daily basis.
- I practice gratitude towards God daily for the countless number of blessings He has given me.
- If my husband has concerns, I listen to him carefully and try to cooperate with his wisdom.
- I view suffering as an opportunity to grow in my faith and to draw nearer to Christ and shine for Him.
- When my husband is having a bad day, I try to think of something I can do to cheer him up, surprise him or take some stress off of his shoulders
- I like serving my husband. It’s an honor. I’m glad to do it.
- I see the good in my husband, and use my words to praise, encourage and affirm him.
- I am thankful for the chance to make our house a home and to take care of it. It is a way I show love and respect for my husband and family.
- I don’t get upset if my husband leaves a mess sometimes. I’m so glad he’s in my life and we get to live together.
- I am careful not to develop close friendships with other men. I guard and protect my heart and my marriage.
- If my husband responds to me harshly, I answer gently.
- I understand that Hollywood and romantic novels do not portray real life. I avoid those things if they create a spirit of discontentment in my heart.
- I speak highly of my husband to other people.
- I very rarely argue with or complain to my husband.
- I have faith in my husband. I know I can trust him. (Or, I am working to rebuild lost trust and I want to learn to trust him again.)
- I have faith that God will lead me through my husband, even if my husband sometimes makes mistakes.
- I trust God to speak to my husband and grow him spiritually without me having to verbally prod him or lecture my husband about spiritual things. If my husband is far from God right now, I don’t talk about spiritual things, the Bible or church. I allow my glowing joy in Christ, my spirit of willing cooperation with my husband’s leadership and my genuine respect for the good in my husband to draw him to Christ. I trust God to open my husband’s spiritual eyes. I know that only God can change people and waken them to His truth.
- I trust most of my husband’s decisions and cooperate with him often.
- I try to have a spirit of saying, “yes!” to things that are important to my husband.
- I give myself freely and joyfully to my husband sexually. I don’t withhold myself.
- I am trustworthy.
- I am responsible with money, time, our children, my husband’s feelings, our home and the resources God has given to us.
- I consciously work to do good to my husband no matter what happens.
- I don’t worry about the future. I take my needs and concerns to God and my husband and I leave the weight of the problems there and trust God and my husband to figure things out. I say what I want and what I believe is best. I share my perspective with God and my husband. Then I rest in God’s love and peace, trusting His wisdom. And I rest in my husband’s love – trusting God to lead me through him.
“This test comes from Galatians 5:19-23. It reveals whether my sinful nature or God’s Spirit is in control of my life.
- Part 1 shows what I am like when my sinful nature has control.
- Part 2 is what I am like when God’s Spirit has control.
God desires us ALL to be wives who live only in the Part 2 area every day. We can’t do this on our own. But if we trust God, seek Him above all else and allow Him to empower us – He can and will transform each of us into the godly women of His dreams! This is a process. The process of sanctification. The process of God transforming us into the image of Christ. It is not instantaneous. That’s ok. Just be open to God and willing to do things His way each baby step of the way. Get up when you stumble. Repent and turn back to Him humbly. Seek and desire Jesus above everything. He will do the changing.”
It was funny taking the test and occasionally looking back 6 years ago, before I gave myself to God and thinking of how I would have answered the test back when. Part One I would have chosen nearly every answer: I was sinful in nearly every of the 33 choices, I also would not have chosen many – if any – of the 39 answers in Part Two. I lived OF the world back then, now I just am taking up space IN the world and working at getting out of it and going to spend eternity in Heaven with my Creator, My God, My ALL. For now I am blessed to realize how far I have come as a wife and beloved of God.
Thank You God for changing me and letting me grow in You. Dear Lord please guide my steps so I may grow fully in You as Your beloved and Your child. Dear Father God transform me into Your image, so You will be the center of my life, and I will put You before all. Help me to grow as a wife, to be the best wife ever for my husband who I love next to You. Help me to praise You in my actions and thoughts and word as Your child and as a wife. Amen