That little knot in my stomach… -BB

That little knot in my stomach flares up now and again when I feel I am on the brink of finding out why I think like I do, why I feel like I do, if I am excited, about to do something really good, or if I am doing something wrong. That little knot began to flare up this past year when my husband was unknowingly letting me know he was not happy. He became increasingly quiet, visiting his friends more, and sleeping with his back to me. I don’t even think he knew he was upset with me to the extent his actions showed, or maybe I am sensitive and keenly aware of others body language, or perhaps I read too much into it. That knot got pretty big and frightening. I immediately started searching God’s word for how to be a good wife. I may be very intelligent, but I am also simple and needed it explained to me. I was fortunate and came across 2 great blogs: and I studied both, I was blessed to find both dealt with situations of immediate needs and then lessons to help continue walking God’s path of how to be a wife. That little knot also let me know I was too self centered, the old “what about me” complex that seems to be a social disease in our culture. I didn’t even realize how affected I was by this disease (or diss-ease as Pastor Joseph Prince said.) I generally knew it was time for head to foot make over. Again. I had been working on myself, being a new Christian. I found Jesus in a new way after a divorce nearly 5 years earlier. God blessed me with a Godly husband. I discovered there was a new way to live: with peace. I was learning, but still struggling. My husband is a well of patience as I went though some not so fun issues. But enough was enough, and it was my time to find the peace and stop the struggle. That is when the knot moved in and suggested I grow up as a Christian and learn how to walk with God as a wife and stop putting myself at the center of everything. No more asking “What about me.” Time to ask “What does God want from me?” Never ask God for gifts and growth unless you are ready for Him to answer!  Answer He did. God is funny in how He helps us grow! God has since filled my life with answers. “God give me patience.” God gives you  long lines to stand in, slow traffic to drive in, and beginners at every cash register. “God help me not to be jealous.” My husband was flirted with by every gorgeous female in our area. He didn’t even notice they flirted, and once I began to calm down and see that it became funny. I have come to conclusion that the little knots will keep coming until I reach a full walk with God and rely completely upon Him. This is step one, this blog to fully examine each issue, each knot; ask God to help untie me and see how He uses me. I have asked for a Ministry, maybe I will unwind enough knots and find it. God Bless you abundantly.


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